


searching for a trail to follow again

by Bellakitse



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reconciliation, TK is his own worse critic, mentions of drug abuse, spoilers for the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23093428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellakitse/pseuds/Bellakitse
Summary: How many life decisions did you make today?Just one more.*Before TK talks to his team, he and Carlos have a conversation at the hospital and come to a decision about their relationship.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 40
Kudos: 792





	searching for a trail to follow again

**Author's Note:**

> That finale was everything I wanted. I can't wait for season 2 to watch these two fall in love.

They finish stitching him up, and the nurse leaves but not before giving him a lecture about being more careful. She doesn’t seem impressed that he popped his stitches trying to save someone’s life. Though she does take pity on him enough to find him a spare t-shirt, getting rid of his ruin one.

It hurts to lift his arm with the fresh stitches, and the day’s events are catching up with him. He’s struggling with the top when he hears footsteps. Looking towards the door, he’s both surprised and not surprised to see who’s there, his heart giving a jerk at who it is.

“Hey,” he starts, not sure what else to add as he looks at Carlos. He watches him as he gives him a quick once over, no doubt checking to see how hurt he is, his shoulders losing some of their tension as he concludes that he’s all right.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Carlos says softly as he walks into the room. “I would have come with you earlier but –“

“You had to keep helping,” he finishes for him with a half-smile. Of course, Carlos stayed behind to help; it doesn’t matter that he’s not on the clock or that he’s in street clothes. It’s obvious that Carlos was made to help people; it’s in his blood the way it’s in his dad’s. Carlos’ thoughtfulness and compassion leaps out of him in everything he does.

Even _now_ , after their less than awesome date, which ended with them breaking up – can you even break up if you weren’t really together? And if they weren’t together, why does TK _ache_ right now looking at him – even now Carlos is proving how kind he is by being here.

“Are you okay?” Carlos asks as he comes to stand in front of where he sits.

TK holds on to the shirt he’s been trying to put on, twisting it in his hands. He shifts nervously, and the paper on the exam table underneath him crinkles loudly. “Yeah,” he licks his lips anxiously as he bobs his head. “I’m okay. I checked on the woman from the bus, Ellen, and then had them fix my stitches,” he tries to smile, but it feels stiff on his face. “Then the nurse yelled at me for being reckless.”

Carlos smiles back at him gently. “You should have told her you were being a hero.”

TK chuckles, some of the tension he feels disappearing. That’s the thing about Carlos, he’s seen him in bad shape, acting at his worse, but he still finds a way to make TK feel good and comfortable, while all TK seems to do is disappoint him.

“Do you need help with your shirt?” Carlos questions, giving it a look. “It looked like you were struggling.”

TK stares at him, taking in Carlos’ kind eyes, patient the way he always is with him, and it _hurts_ how much he wants to keep him. Even while knowing he doesn’t deserve it.

“May I?” he holds out his hand for TK to hand him the shirt, flashing him a smile when he does.

“We’ll go slow,” Carlos assures him as he slips the shirt over his head. “Now, the good side.”

TK does as he’s told, wincing when they get to the hurt side of his body, the stitches on his chest pull as he lifts his arm. “ _Shit_ ,” he says, letting out a small groan.

Carlos makes a sympathetic noise, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze as he helps TK put his arm through the opening. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he murmurs, not realizing how the endearment makes TK’s heart skip. He runs a hand down TK’s side, smoothing the shirt out. “There, we’re done.”

“Why are you here?” he blurts out, feeling like an absolute dick at the hurt look that flashes across Carlos’ face.

Carlos takes a breath, and his expression settles into something more neutral, carefully blank. It reminds TK of the night at the police station. Of Carlos telling him he’s used to crazy. It’s the most closed-off TK has ever seen Carlos be with him, and he _hated_ it. He hates it now too.

“I wanted to see if you were okay,” he repeats after a moment.

“ _Why_?” he asks, the plea loud for both of them to hear. “After today at the juice bar, after how we ended things, _why_ Carlos?”

Carlos frowns at him, but he doesn’t look mad. Instead, he seems worried, and TK can only imagine the look on his face right now, how desperate he must look. “I care about you, TK,” Carlos starts, his words hitting TK hard. “You not wanting to be with me doesn’t change that. I care about you, and I’m going to keep doing so, even if we’re never together.”

“You shouldn’t,” TK gets out, feeling his eyes sting, and he has to bite down on his lip to keep from giving in to the urge to cry. “I’m not worth it.”

Carlos’ eyes go hard, and now TK starts to see some anger. “That’s for _me_ to decide, Tyler,” he says sternly. “Not you.”

TK shakes his head, frustration making him all but vibrate.

“I’ll hurt you,” he promises, pushing forward when he sees Carlos open his mouth to argue. “You said you felt some strong feelings when you saw me in that hospital bed. Well, this isn’t the first time this year that’s happened. It’s not the first time I’ve almost died.”

“TK –“

“I OD’d back in New York,” he rushes to get out, the words feeling like bile at his throat. He watches as Carlos gets a stricken look on his face. It hurts TK to hurt him, but better he know now, rather than later. “I got my heartbroken, and instead of handling it, I scored some pills and OD’d. My dad found me passed out, and my heart had stopped,” he finishes, his voice breaking.

He can’t help the tears that fall now, and he _hates_ that there are tears on Carlos’ face too. “That’s who I am, Carlos, now tell me I’m still worth caring for.”

TK watches as Carlos struggles for a moment as he looks away from him, he takes in the way he’s trying to get his breath under control, the tear tracks down his face, and the shake in his left hand. His body looks like a tight coil ready to spring.

When he looks back at TK, there is a resolve in his expression that makes TK’s breath catch.

“Yes, you are.”

TK shakes his head, feeling his lungs tighten as he fights for a breath. “ _No_.”

“ _Yes_ , Tyler,” Carlos answers, his tone tells TK he’s firm in his conviction, and TK finds himself crying, it’s selfish of him, but he’s relieved, and he knows he can’t hide it.

“Carlos – “ he gets out, not even knowing what he wants to say.

Carlos closes the gap between them. His hands tenderly cradle TK’s face, bringing another wave of tears as he’s touched with such care. “Listen to me,” he starts, his voice is gentle in that way that seems to be for him alone. “You can tell me that you don’t want this, that you don’t have feelings for me. I can handle that. It would suck, but I’m a big boy, and you aren’t my first rejection. You can tell me that you aren’t ready for anything more, and you just want me to be your friend. You can even tell me that you never want to see me again, and to get lost.”

TK lets out a huff as he rolls his eyes. That’s the last thing he wants, everything would be so much easier if that were the case.

Carlos gives him a small smile in return.

“But you can’t tell me not to care about you,” Carlos raises his eyebrows at him, making sure he’s listening. He is, he’s listening even as his heart pounds loudly in his ears. “Because that’s not going to happen. I will always care about you, and you telling me about your OD, doesn’t change that. If anything, it makes me care and admire you more.”

“You’re crazy,” TK jokes faintly, affection spreading through his body for the man holding him. It’s such a bad idea, but he can’t help but want for Carlos to keep doing it, and he wants to hold him back.

He wraps his hands around Carlos’ wrists, pulling his hands off his face. Carlos moves to take a step back, but TK tightens his hold, keeping him in place. Waiting him out, Carlos raises an eyebrow at him.

TK realizes with a stumble of his heart that it’s his move to make. Tugging him forward, he lets out a breath when Carlos steps in closer.

“I’m a mess,” he warns him, looking at Carlos seriously. He needs him to understand what he’s getting into with him. “I’m probably going to be a mess for a while.”

Carlos answers him with a soft smile. “I’m not perfect either, TK.”

“I might hurt you,” he counters, swallowing when Carlos nods.

“I might hurt you too,” he says softly. TK doesn’t tell him that he already knows that. Given a chance, he knows he’ll give Carlos his whole heart, and with it the power to crush it.

Carlos sees this, and TK lets out a trembling breath as Carlos leans in, touching his forehead against his. “I’ll try very hard not to though,” he whispers, his breath like a touch against TK’s mouth.

“Me too,” TK whispers in return.

Carlos pulls back, the beginnings of a smile on his face. He’s beautiful, and TK’s crazy heart gives out yet another erratic thump. “What does that mean?”

TK closes his eyes, a reluctant smile making its way to his face. “You said we could go slow,” he says, pointing at the shirt Carlos just carefully helped him put on. He thinks if there is anyone who would be careful with his heart, it’s Carlos.

“You set the speed,” he tells him, his eyes bright with joy, it makes TK feel warm and cared for.

“Yeah?” TK asks, needing to be sure.

Carlos nods. “Yes, TK,” he answers tenderly. He raises a hand again to touch TK’s face, his thumb caressing his cheek.

TK leans into the touch, grabbing at Carlos’ shirt to pull him even closer. He touches the back of Carlos’ neck and pushes himself up from the exam table to brush his lips against his.

He keeps the kiss light, the barest touch of their mouths, but it’s been weeks since he’s kissed Carlos, and it’s more than enough to make every part of TK’s body hum.

“Then can we, be a _‘we’_ now?” he asks quietly, his heart buzzing with hopefulness.

The smile Carlos gives him when he says yes, is the gentlest anyone outside his father has ever given him, and as he feels it against his mouth when they kiss again, something inside him slowly starts to mend.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://bellakitse.tumblr.com/)


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